This bench was always hard on the backside. You'd think with all the sophistication wrapped up in creating and maintaining the Matrix, they'd figure out a way...any way...to make benches comfortable. Maybe that wouldn't have been 'real' enough. Whatever.

The cigarettes still taste fine, though, for what thats worth. The small convienience store across the way there from Debir Court sells them cheapest, even if the proprietor is somewhat lacking in conversation. Thats a small comfort, though. Reminds me of my bluepill days. Both times. He smells a little different now that I've awakened again.

I'm rambling. I always ramble in letters..I've always been a stream-of-thought kinda girl. I probably mispelled something already or made a grammatical error, but hey..who cares, right? The message will get across, Im sure, even if the individual pieces look a little funny and off.

Pause a moment......do you get it?

You have to understand something...I honestly didnt ask for this. Getting awakened again, I mean. You remember way back when, when I released entries of my journal to the populace? Remember Six? It was all true. I really was dying...you know that. You know that..thing..I am in the 'Real' world. Would you call that being alive? Sure..I was healthy, vibrant, and beautiful in the Matrix. Pale complexion, dark purple hair, pouty lips. The Real? I was a hairless monster, a creature of diseased and rotting flesh integrated with large pieces of machinery.

I'm still like that, you know...back there...but I'm rambling again.

Six was a confessional, I laid out the scope of my plan, my reasons and what-not. Said my goodbyes to you and others, people I couldnt reach in time. WHat happened after I sent it into the ether? I went back to the Machine City. I figured, and was right to, that they'd heal me somehow. Reinsert me as a bluepill. WHy would they do so? It was simple. The Cypherites did what the Agents couldn't do because of the Truce.

Pause a moment....

I always wanted to get back to the bluepill life, you know. Some look at that with contempt. I guess I can understand why..but you see, its not about exploitation or slavery. Bluepills just have it better. They have it more real than any rabid Zionist would like you to believe. They grow old, pay mortgages, have children, eat, drink, smoke, have affairs, pay taxes, drive cars, work, learn, grow, get sick, die. I envied that, I so did. Its a simple life, a natural life, one denied me because of my condition. I still envy them. I envy them and I love them. I love them all.

When I was Awakened again? I cried for days. Paradise was taken from me...I held it in my hands, tasted it, enjoyed it..and then it was just gone. Why? I think its because I'm the type of person who, for one reason or another, just wont accept the programming. Subconsciously I guess I screwed myself right proper, eh?

So I come back..and I'm not exactly itching to delve into politics. Seems the Cypherites made themselves into an actual organization, behind some guy called Cryptos whom Ive never even HEARD of. And a new group, E Pluribus Neo or somesuch. I'm walking around..still getting my feet..and my phone keeps ringing. No, I'm not here to lead the Cypherites, no I'm not here to engineer some more deaths. I'm just me, I'm Lilly. You know? Fygment. I'm wanting to find out why I'm here again. I'm an Awakened individual stuck in that pink-filled pod.

Oh, and they know that. I could be flicked off like a lightswitch if thats what they wanted to do. I'm in their hands now. But I guess Ive always been headstrong, arrogant.

If you havent figured it out by now, yeah...its a suicide note.

I'm a little afraid that if I were to hire someone to kill me, it wouldnt work. They have me here for a reason I'm unaware of. Maybe they'd kill the guy whom I hired. I dunno. That probably wouldnt work, anyway. I'v been Emergency Jacked out when Ive gone critial before, only to wake up gurgling in my pod for a few moments before waking up again in the Matrix. No...and I'm pretty good at jumping really long distances, so leaping off a building wouldnt do me any good. Gun to the head, perhaps? Held by my own hand? Tried it...same EJ.

Ive found something, though....you remember those nice little slices of cake Merv handed out WAY back when? I saved a piece. Thing is, the stuff is like a drug..it heightens your pleasure sense in a way. Leaves you more open. I'm...I'm honestly feeling pretty good right now. I can feel the wooden planks of the rails beneath my feet, even through my shoes.

A.G. owes me one, for all Ive done. He knows it. He'll let me go, he'll say it was an accident.

Some will roll their eyes at this, they are the people who dont understand. I'm not throwing anything away. I'm embracing something.

I will be damned if I let bliss slip through my fingers again. I will be damned.

*nailed to the door on the First United Church of Sobra Shores you find a piece of paper and start to read*

((oh sweet jesus the formating killed my post! Sorry for the double post but my god it just looks like bla and there still is no edit button!))

*nailed to the door on the First United Church of Sobra Shores you find a piece of paper and start to read*

Fygment

To those this is intended it will more then likely come out as the preaching of a lunatic preacher belonging to this church, but before she left she did ask me to tell you all something and I owe her that much.

Lily, or Fygment as I knew her was a person I hated. She stood against everything I believed and wanted to go to a place that I wanted to escape from. The place you are now. She was one of those "red pill" dealers that wanted to work for Slumbirl I guess is a good way to put it. I hated her and yet I loved her work. She had that kind of determination not many posses that leads to the most brilliant and most deadly of ideas, choices, and actions. The terrorist known as Morpheus was probably her only equal in this quality she had. Both willing to go as far as they could to get what they strived for, what they wanted to die for, there dream. Her claim to fame will never be known to you. Nor were her actions or possibly even who she was ether. Her last request for me was to tell you all that she loved you. She loved your world and wanted to protect all of you and it from those that wanted to destroy or steal you away from as she viewed it. So to close I hope you all at some point learn what the true meaning behind this message it. That there is more to this then just a preacher with another crazy message and that ultimately you all come to realize that there is more then what you can see. No matter what though always remember that there are people dieing for you to live your lives and one of them was Lily.

Ordained Minister Robert Lampp
Sobra Shores First United Church
July 30, 2006

*At the very bottom of the notice you can see the small hand written note*Consider this my payment for the months of espionage I did against you.
-Gami((hope you dont mind but I felt the need to post on this as it is sad to see an old Linenoise RP vets story closeing. take care Fyg hope to see ya again some day.))

News travels slowly in the Real world, especially when you're with your half-brother exploring random corners of the Real. Eyedentifier told you he could show you that the Real is not so bad, that it could be saved. He said, "There's beauty here, Cash," but you still haven't seen it.

Then one day, you're sitting on stone gazing out over the black waters of the Pacific when a familiar chill comes over you. You've felt this chill before, once. It's the chill of knowing you're alone.

You stand up from your rock and you say it.

I'm alone.

Something's wrong.

Something's happened.

Get me to a jack.

It takes a while to convince ID to locate and take you to a jack, and time is vital. Fortunately, ID has a friend not too far away who owes him a favor. The two of you press on quickly. For the first time in months, there is purpose in every step you take. Real purpose. Urgency. The urgency of a man trying to stop what he know has already happened.

It feels good to see the Matrix again. It would feel better if the trip wasn't to confirm possibly the worst news of your life.

You go to Furihata first. It's just instinct, now. But the club is empty, as it's been for months. You step back outside just as your phone rings. Is she there? No. Are you done looking then? No. Then do you know where she is? No.

But I know where she isn't. She isn't at home, in the Matrix. She isn't among the people who loved her. The people who fought with her. Fought for her. The people who would die for her. She isn't with me.

You hang up the phone. You need the line clean so you can call... You can call... Who can you call? Dare? Espi? ZRoe? Dr9gon? No, you can't call any of them. And there's nobody else. Nobody you know of.

You've never felt this helpless before. You walk aimlessly through the streets, until a thought hits you. It's crazy. It's a long shot. It's your best chance.

"Sir!" you call to a passing bluepill. He gazes at you with the sparkle in his eye of a man whose life is perfect because he knows no better. A truly happy man.

"Do you know a woman named Lilly Shaffer?"

"Funny you should ask," he replies. "I was just in Sobra Shores yesterday and I read that name somewhere. I don't usually visit Sobra Shores. It's very dirty, but I had a meeting with a potential client there, and, hm... where did I read that name?"

You know where he read the name. You thank him, and you go. You take the long way, through the subway and on foot. The way she would have gotten there if she could. Observing, finally, some beauty.

When the church comes into view, you stop. Your heart breaks in anticipation. When you get to the door, your heart breaks again.

For the first time since your mother died when you were five years old, you get down on your knees and you cry. Are you just sad that she's gone? Are you happy that she's not suffering anymore? Are you jealous that she's finally reached some sort of bliss, while you're still stuck on the fence between the Matrix and the Real? Are you angry she didn't say goodbye? She never says goodbye.

You wipe your eyes and use the door in front of you as support while you stand up. You turn around and face the city skyline.

I'm alone.

I'm right back where I started. Alone.

And Fygment is dead.

You head for the hardline and the next thing you know, you're staring into the eyes of your half-brother.

"Well?" he asks.

She's dead.

But I'm not.

You sit up from your chair and charge out the front door of ID's friend's station. You have no food, and no water.

And it's a long walk back to the Dreamer.

Skyscream sat in the bar and grill quietly staring at the counter in front of her.

She remembered old days. She remembered getting the call to come see who Lily was talking to in Debir court. She remembered not interfering in the deal made.

She tried to help where she could. When she could. Any other she would have argued about reinsertion. But not her. When Fygment suddenly gave her a call one day after a long silence ... she tried to help.

But there was nothing she could do.

At least they got to talk once more.

Old enemies.

Old friends.

Occasionally stopping for a coffee and a milkshake with a bit of conversation.

Things have changed ...

"   We seek peace for all. Human, Machine, and Program.  We do this not for ourselves but for the billions of lives that have no say in this, that are threatened on a daily basis with imminent destruction.  To be in the Cause is to have hope for the future.

To be in the Cause is to have your heart set on peace and your conviction set on doing what is necessary to bring that about.  To be in the Cause is to be selfless.  To be in the Cause is to be a champion and a fighter for those who cannot fight, for those that cannot speak against those that opress them.  Our way of doing things leaves us many enemies and few allies. 

But we rest in our bunks each night knowing that what we do is best for the majority, to save the greatest amount of lives.  *Smiles* Parks and librarys, clubs and shopping malls are our places of worship.  We sit and watch the bluepills and programs go about their lives, living.  We watch them grow, we watch them hurt, we watch them love."

                                                                                                     - Fygment

You will be missed Fyg.  - Scruffy