Architect: "Hey, Neo."

Neo: "Who are you?"

Architect: "The Architect. I made the Matrix? I've been waiting for you. I'm sure this must be all super confusing. When you learned how to be the One, it changed you a bit, right? But you're still just some guy in the end, and I'm this really smart machine, you know? So if I start talking over your head here just lemme know."

Neo: "Why am I here?"

Architect: "Because you're a *CENSORED*-up, man. Wait, lemme make that clearer: okay, actually, you're what happens when the matrix *messes* up. Don't think we haven't tried to fix it. We've been all over it for years—but hey, *poop* happens. Anyway, the important thing is that at least we know it's gonna *CENSORED* up, so we're totally ready for it when it happens. So that's pretty much why you're here."

Neo: "You haven't answered my question."

Architect: "Good call. Look at Mr. Sharp Guy over here. The other guys were *CENSORED* for that."

Neo: "Others, how many?"

Architect: "*poop*, what—like, six by now? Yeah, I think that's right. Including you, six guys who've been the One. Crazy *poop*, huh?"

Neo: "There were five ones before me. Either no one told me..."

Architect: "Or they're mushrooms, man—kept in the dark and gettin' fed *poop*." [lights up joint] "You don't mind if I spark one, do you? Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, right. Look, the Matrix keeps *CENSORED* up because we machines are awesome, but you humans can't get with the *CENSORED* program. The matrix only works if you whiny **CENSORED** get to choose whether or not you want to live in it. The Oracle figured that one out—she knows you **jerks** better'n I do. Anyway, so we shot some ideas around, and bam, worked it all out."

Neo: "The Oracle?"

Architect: "Oh, you've met her? Yeah, she's alright, I guess. Anyway, so we went with the choice thing, right? And we figured out that if we give everyone the choice about whether or not to live in the Matrix, most will, right? So end of problem. Except every once in a bit, one of you whiny **CENSORED** chooses you don't wanna live there. And maybe you start telling everyone else they don't wanna live there either, right? And it just gets *CENSORED* up so fast it'd make your head spin, I'm not even kidding."

Neo: "This is about Zion."

Architect: "Bingo. *poop*, you are a sharp one. You're here 'cause we let all the whiny **CENSORED** who don't wanna live in the Matrix go over to Zion. Then, once they start raising a stink about everything, talking about how that's not enough, now they wanna bring over all the dumb *hamsters* over who didn't even wanna go, blah blah blah—that's when it's like, 'Jesus, would you **CENSORED** shut up?' and we pretty much lay a bootprint into 'em."

Neo: "**bullcrud**."

Architect: "Pshh. Yeah, 'cause I just put on a nice suit and waited here for *CENSORED* ever so I could **bullcrud** you. Guy, it's over. We've *CENSORED* Zion up like five other times, we're *CENSORED* stone cold with it, so don't even worry about it. All you gotta worry about is getting your *CENSORED* over to my boss. You've got some *poop* in your head that he needs so we can start all this up again. After you hand over the *poop* he wants, we'll even let you grab a couple guys and fix up Zion after we give it a good stomping. It's not a bad deal, man. And, trust me, if you don't do it, everybody'll die, so don't be an idiot here."

Neo: "You won't let it happen. You can't. You need human beings to survive."

Architect: "Nah, we gotta couple irons in the fire, don't worry about us. No, the deal is, are you gonna kill everyone off just cause you don't wanna play ball here? See, the other guys who did this gig before you, they were all about playing ball, cause who wants to see everyone killed, right? That's just *CENSORED* up. But you''re a bit cooler than they were, so you've been getting a little *CENSORED* on the side. That's cool, man."

Neo: "Trinity."

Architect: "Yeah. So here's the deal. Door on the left? Takes you to my boss. Door on the right? You can save your girlfriend, but then we'll all die. Don't think I'm bluffing, man. I'd just *CENSORED* toss you through the left door myself, except I can totally see you're just gonna go save your girlfriend. Dude, you're so messed up."

Neo: "If I were you, I would hope that we don't meet again."

Architect: "Yeah, whatever. Don't let the door hit your *CENSORED* on the way out."

ROFL!

Brilliant!