Marriage.

**Yasamuu** · 05/27/2008 15:55:21

No.. I'm not getting married.

I find this an interesting topic, however and I'm just wondering whether people today still value Marriage and how they look at it nowadays compared to in the past and how different generations see it. Is it just a scrap of paper? Is it a decleration of love? Is it a complete waste of time?

There's all time highs in divorce and there seems to be this ever climbing trend of people cheating on their partners, be they married or not. Why? Is it a social problem? Is it down to poor morale standards? Do people not do enough to save marriages? or do they dive in too early with the whole "oh my god, white wedding" idea? Do people not take the responsiblity of saying no and ending things before they go too far if they're having doubts?

Being rather old fashined(the fact that I even consider it to be old fashioned tells it's own story, really) in this department I tend to feel that when I'm in a relationship and (when I do eventually get married) I'm 100% commited to my partner. Other people might be attractive physically or on some other level but there's a reason why I'd be with the partner I'm with and nothing else would change that. Marriage should be ever lasting, 'til death do us part and all that because you should be getting married to someone that you want to spend your entire life with.

/Discuss

TonicLove · 05/27/2008 16:01:01

didnt even read the post lol...all i have to say is..

it sucks

no more sex from her

an MORE moaning (when you go looking for some ^^)

that is all

Edit: like your Avatar btw SMILEY class

**phi**

Yasamuu wrote:

No.. I'm not getting married.

I find this an interesting topic, however and I'm just wondering whether people today still value Marriage and how they look at it nowadays compared to in the past and how different generations see it. Is it just a scrap of paper? Is it a decleration of love? Is it a complete waste of time?

There's all time highs in divorce and there seems to be this ever climbing trend of people cheating on their partners, be they married or not. Why? Is it a social problem? Is it down to poor morale standards? Do people not do enough to save marriages? or do they dive in too early with the whole "oh my god, white wedding" idea? Do people not take the responsiblity of saying no and ending things before they go too far if they're having doubts?

Being rather old fashined(the fact that I even consider it to be old fashioned tells it's own story, really) in this department I tend to feel that when I'm in a relationship and (when I do eventually get married) I'm 100% commited to my partner. Other people might be attractive physically or on some other level but there's a reason why I'd be with the partner I'm with and nothing else would change that. Marriage should be ever lasting, 'til death do us part and all that because you should be getting married to someone that you want to spend your entire life with.

/Discuss

I am married and I am a subscriber to your "old fashioned" ways... if you don' want the permanent commitment and would like the option to leave the relationship later, then either don't get married or join the Church of England.

My parents are still going through their divorce and it has really opened my eyes as to why things fail in marriage. Honesty, openness and communication are the keys. That and a large helping of selflessness form both parties. If both parties can hold the other person in higher regard than them self then there won't be any issues.

Unfortunately, these were never addressed in my family. After all the damage was done and everyone was totally alienated it turns out that there is a very good chance my father is slightly bi-polar or has a mild case of Asperger's... hence his extremely selfish behaviour etc...

Given that any co-habitation in an exclusive relationship for 6 months or more qualifies as de-facto with all the same legal privileges as marriage, I fail to see why people are so willing to jump into marriage without the intention of sticking with it when things get a little hard.

Marriage ... one of the best things I ever did. And I've been with the same girl for 12 years (married for 2).

**ZippyTheSquirrel**

Marriage is a cheap way of saying "Hey, here's proof I love this person!"

And divorce is the proof that you were either never meant to be or you're such a wussy that you can't work out your differences.

If you're meant to be, you'll find a way together, law or not. Done.

**Hanzyl and Gretyl**

I don't believe in marriage. I cannot see how a piece of paper shows commitment. Your actions over the course of the years show commitment.

I plan on never being married if I can help it. My longest relationship was 8 years and I avoided it for that too. If she wasn't so dumb we would still be together too unmarried.

Steelle

1) Marriage, although it can be, is seldom "Cheap"

2) It's not about the piece of paper. It's about him/her and what they mean to you and wanting to gather all your friends and relatives together to say "HEY! I LOVE THEM!"

My girlfriend and I have been talking about it a lot lately, mostly if we should go ahead and do it while we're still going through university. (we likely won't be)

**imax**

Steelle wrote:

2) It's not about the piece of paper. It's about him/her and what they mean to you and wanting to gather all your friends and relatives together to say "HEY! I LOVE THEM!"

no, thats what weddings are for. And I absolutely hate weddings. Big cry for attention and gifts... from the woman. Girls wanna be the princes and get all dolled up and be adored that one day of their life. I on the other hand just wanna be left the hell alone. I've always said I would never get married, but I try to avoid saying never in these latest years of my life, and just say IF i ever get married, we are doing it my way, and if you got a problem with it, just stop and think for a second, your lucky your getting married to me in the 1st place so don't push your luck by begging for the white wedding of the ages.

And in case anyone wonders my way would be as quickly as possible with immediate family only, on a boat by a ship captain, because I hate priests.

/end rant

Guess I could said all that in a shorter way. Marriage and weddings are stupid.

**Phluff**

imax wrote:

And in case anyone wonders my way would be as quickly as possible with immediate family only, on a boat by a ship captain

Just let me know when you're taking me and your dad on that cruise, son!! SMILEY ^_^ SMILEY

>.>

**Travi**

I believe like you do Yasu, marriage is a total commitment to the one you love with all your heart, and are willing to spend the rest of your life with. One of the things you agree too is 'til' death do you part', and it's so unfortunate that people have issues living up to that.

It ranks among one of the most important decisions you'll ever make, and you should only make the commitment when you feel you are ready to settle down with this gal/guy, and know that they are the only one for you. In this world of divorvce, it's disheartening and it's like: That's the easy way out, the 'get out of jail' free card, the Go directly to Go, collect 200 dollars card and so forth - and most people take this route instead of working with their spouse to find the middle road on a disagreement or find the medium in two extremes.

That's why they say you should take as much time as needed to get to know the person you want to marry, actually live with them for a while before getting married, test them under pressure, test them in difficult circumstances and so forth. The more the two of you know about each other, the better you will be down the road when you are making that bonding kiss, and living your life together.

My parents are divorced as well, divorced when I was age 3 (currently 21). I'm not sure at the reasons why they separated, but obviously something didn't work out, and the two of them were too selfish of the others needs to address the others. I agree with phi on the fact that you have to hold the one you love and cherish in higher regard than yourself and they will do the same, no issues.

While I've never been married on, I have been cheated on twice in a row. I don't know if it's a social problem, or just plain lust. Moral standards in my family are high, but I can't say for others because I've lived only one life, and that's mine.

As for people not doing enough, I think they could a lot more when it comes to saving a marriage on the brink. The old adage of "what doesn't kill you, makes your stronger" comes into mind here. What doesn't break the marriage will inevitably make it stronger and the love you have for your spouse will increase two fold.

And as I said, people should take as much time as they need to make the commitment and make sure they are totally ready. I, personally, would rather spend twenty years of wedded bliss, than 5 years of lust there, and the other 15 in hell from your ex nagging at you about something.
I'd rather get married at age 40 and spend my golden years with the one I truly love, than to marry at age 25 only because she brought up the issue and said yes on a whim.

Just my two cents on the matter.

**Procurator**

I'm in the old fashioned camp too. I'm not religious, so marriage has no such relevance for me, and I don't care about the legal status it gives people - it's all about devotion and commitment and is, at the very least, a meaningful social status.

However, what marriage means is entirely down to the couple. If I get married it'll be for the reasons above, but someone else may get married because it's a cheap proof of love, or because it comes with legal benefits or - heh - because they want the gifts and attention.

What I don't think is that marriage guarantees anything. If someone is likely to cheat on their partner, they'll have that... issue whether they're married or not. Incidentally, if I had my way, anyone who cheated would be guilty of a moral crime and be sentenced to something very nasty.

**Marias**

I don't view marriage so much as an end all be all necessity for two people in love, as much as a mandatory precursor to having children - in order to raise them in a stable environment. I could stand never being married, even if I decided to dedicate my life to one significant other. However, I would never bring a child into this world without a well established family unit with boundaries.

**Dripping-Cheese**

I'm all for marriages, as long as it's the right people getting married.

I was at one of my cousins' wedding on Saturday, and the fella she married is the right person for her, they love eachother to bits and everyone could see it.

The party afterwards was also fantastic!

I am a hardened Irish wedding verteran now!

**TheRedPhoenixx**

Having stayed married for a very very long time, and now divorced....I have three words for you ...

Dont Do It!!

**shinpseudo**

You've picked a topic especially close to me this week, as I'll be proposing to my girlfriend this Friday (she doesn't read DN1; I hope). We've discussed marriage a bit previously, so we're quite on the same page as far as its ultimate "meaning" between the two of us. She's essentially been the definition of independence, and I absolutely respect and appreciate that. Her views on marriage (even considering it) have changed completely from the time when we were first dating, until now (over a couple years later). Now, she's conveyed she would wholeheartedly want to marry me, whereas previously it was quite clear marriage as a broad concept was under no consideration whatsoever. I think the situation, and the right person, can change anyone's staunch views on something one way or another. In this case, as that "simple piece of paper" would mean something to me, I'd say this change was for the best.

stewartdaniels1986

Getting married costs too little and getting divorced costs too much. If it were the other way around, there wouldn't be so many poorly planned marriages that any idiot can see won't last, and there wouldn't be so many divorces due to there not being so many poorly planned marriages that any idiot can see won't last. Sadly, this is a pipedream, because people would rather have sex than have sense.